Monday, April 26, 2004
Man, am I out of it. So many things to think about now; it’s almost mind-boggling. And since my own socialization skills were effectively stunted, I’m bound to be perceived as a strange weirdo if I was remotely lucky enough to get a ‘date’. No circle of friends at all, acquaintances are all distant- all of my hobbies are solitary by default- comic books, going to movies, computer games, internet surfing. I’m not into going overboard to get to know someone, and I’m dead-set against being ‘absorbed’ into someone else’s clique. There’s no point in being a social vulture, constantly hanging around others and their friends- they’ll get wise to you before long.. I’m into rap, but I’m not a thugged-out ghetto-club hopper; I like some rock, but I’m not a frat-boy wannabe; I like to dance, but I’m no raver; I don’t drink, or smoke, or take drugs. I do have a spiritual side, but I’m no holy roller. I feel so alone in my comic-toon-sci fi hobby; I see other brothers in these stores regularly; I’m not acquainted with any of them; often times I feel as if I’m being stared at by them, as if to say, “whoah, there’s something different about this guy”. Maybe they can tell I’m one of the ‘obsessionists’, with no life outside of the realm. Maybe it’s an aura that I can’t detect for myself. I could introduce myself, but to what avail? My depressive state would eventually show, and they’d come to just disregard me as some knucklehead. It’s like I can walk into these places that are traditional havens for us ‘geeks’, and still feel out of place.