Monday, April 26, 2004

“You think you know me.. But you don’t.. not in the least..” ‘Be yourself and people will like you’- that is the worst lie that you can tell someone, especially a child; because humanity being the species that it is, often times, it just doesn’t work out that way. No matter how ‘yourself’ you may be, there will always be adversaries for you to contend with; perceived differences breed misunderstanding; misunderstanding breeds contempt and hatred; and hatred often leads to violence. We are all conditioned to be skeptical and wary, supposedly for our own protection- I’ve been a ‘nice guy’ for the better part of 25 years, and what has it gotten me, besides being rejected, humiliated and ignored…? I am both abhorrent of humanity and yet lonely at the same time- People look at me, they either see the silent ogre to keep your distance from; or the gentle-giant/manageable negro/helpful doormat/’all-around nice guy’, who should be above petty concerns of whether or not people, especially women, find favor with him. Ah, being a “sweet guy” does have its perks- then again, I wouldn’t know. The women who say that, “but let’s just be friends” are really just giving verbal novocaine before they start up the drill- BUZZZZZ!!! Once again, either you’re simply dealing with a case of sincere platonic appreciation, or someone who feels you aren’t what she’s looking for at all, but figures she’ll let you down easy (but don’t call back…really). Well I’m sick of always settling for friends when I want more; getting the virtual shaft, and not being able to give my ‘shaft’ to anyone. Any attempt I make at humor is met with thinly-veiled apathy, so the “guy who knows how to make me laugh” angle means nothing, really. Heck, even in most of my nighttime dreams, women will run from me, once I become ‘aware’ of them.

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