Sunday, July 18, 2004

I'm slowly going nuts.. the weekend of June 26 my older brother Jeff died from a heart attack.. he was going to get married to his girlfriend this September-- and she's 6 months pregnant.. he's got two older children from previous relationships.. ..what's more, i've got two other brothers that have cut themselves off from us, I don't hear from them at all and nobody knows where to find them.. http://www.afropunk.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=1075&highlight= ... so at this point, my sister and I are the only "active" siblings (out of 5) left in my immediate family... and here i am with busted bank account, i don't know how i'm gonna help out with the arrangements.. my own mortality has become even more glaring.. and i don't see that great of a life for myself in the future.. the funeral will likely be on the holiday weekend, friday, saturday.. I don't think i'll ever celebrate the fourth of July again..
 
.. just getting back from the funeral and the aftermath.. caught up with some family I hadn't seen in a good while... ...still unfinished business where my bro is concerned... business interests of his are now snafu'd.. his (now ex-) partner is turning out to be a louse..southern cracker type.. there may be a court battle ahead, have to fly down to Atlanta to deal with this.. sigh.....i've skipped out on my last two therapy sessions.. and with the money its costing me i don't really feel like going back right away..

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